What’s holding you back?

I ask myself and get asked this question often. I think we all have something that holds us back. Something that keeps us from doing the things we want to do. For most people they just push those doubts and feeling aside and do those things anyway. But what happens when you can’t do that? What happens when your anxiety and insecurities are controlling your life? The short answer? It sucks. I, like so many others, cannot just push those feelings aside. They are with me in every decision I make and every missed opportunity. Through failures in school, failed relationships, financial hardships, parenting, the list goes on. Anxiety is always there. Always holding me back.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

About 7 years ago, when my anxiety and depression were at an all time high, I started doing home projects and DIY’s. Decorating my home became therapy. I was following several home decor accounts on Instagram and started sharing my home and playing along with hashtags in hopes of getting my account shared. This led to creating my home decor account, Simply Mine Designs, on IG. But I was also working at a job I hated and my depression was getting worse. At the time my husband had a good job and so I was able to quit mine. I started babysitting my nephew and having fun with my home decor projects. Then my husband switched jobs. With substantially lower pay. But easier on him and his health. It got harder to make ends meet and I was going to have to return to work. Cue the anxiety. After 2 panic attacks landed me in the ER, I started taking medication. I decided to try opening an Etsy shop to help ease the financial burden we were facing. I had to borrow the money to get my first supplies. I started making sales and it was great, but it wasn’t enough to help. My social media following, however, was growing and brands were offering me free stuff to promote on IG. Yay. Who doesn’t love free stuff? Oh, but wait…Free stuff doesn’t pay the bills. And no matter how hard I try I cannot land paid opportunities. Do you know why?

I just don’t fit into the box.

Liz Phair

Because sharing pictures is not enough. You have to do stories and reels and attend conferences. Things that cost money and confidence I just don’t have. Basically, you have to keep up with the Jones’. You have to fit into a society where you may not feel welcome or even belong. It is an endless rat race! And for someone, like me, who suffers from debilitating anxiety, it is also depressing. It has become a place that no longer makes me happy. It’s now a place that makes me feel inadequate. That makes me question every move I make. That has me watching numbers like there’s no tomorrow. It’s no longer a place where I feel comfortable. Which brings us here…to my blog. My own space where I’m in control. A place I want people to come to for inspiration. I have so much I want to share without getting pushed aside on IG because my post didn’t perform well enough in the first hour. Or because I don’t have enough money to attend all the conferences to make me a better instagrammer. Or to do endless DIY’s and projects because I’m spending time with my family.

I will not let my anxiety define me.

Am I going to make lot’s of money here? Probably not. But if I inspire you, make you laugh, or you find any of this relatable…then I’m glad you’re here! In my little corner of the internet. Where I’m choosing to be happy. And not compare my success to someone else’s. Welcome. Anxiety sufferers unite!!